Okay,

So  lately, I feel as if I don’t have many people to turn to anymore. I’ve had a lot go on in my life lately …and it’s ALL been negative. I feel extremely lost and vulnerable. Which one would think this would make me more determined in my future decisions speaking I only have 15days left of High School until I’m off into “The Real World”. But I have to say, I’m exactly the opposite. I’ve been so WOOHOO, I’m enlisting in the Air Force… To, Oh Shit!I’m enlisting in the Air Force. I don’t know if it’s just nerves or what, but I’m second guessing every major life decision. I feel like this is just going to drag me away from everything and put me behind everyone else. I feel like people will soon forget about me, or move on to something better. This MAYbe crazy talk, but it may actually be exactly what happens too … I wish I was lucky enough to be “normal” like every other kid who is graduating… getting pumped and ready for college but I’m not. I wish I could afford it, but I can’t. And now it’s too late anyways. But who knows, I maybe overthinking everything. I tend to do this a lot…  think about the future and act like what I do has any control over what happens. When in reality what’s meant to be, well… will be… Atleast that’s what everyone tells me… . Today I gave some girl advice and said, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” Speaking about a relationship she just recently got involved in when I, myself, cannot even listen to my own advice and sit there and look at my relationship and how much it truly means to me, and how crazy inlove I am, and how positive I am that I found my soul-mate and instead I sit there constantly worrying,and second guessing. And it’s destroying my relationship, because the trust card gets thrown out on the table. But I swear that’s not it. It’s just I think why me?! There is so many other beautiful women out there that can offer so much more than me, and who could make you one-thousand times more happier and yet, you’re with me? And then, to know I’ll be gone for  four years and with college for him coming around the corner?It’s like … I see you finding someone better. But I don’t want him to, and I pray he’s happy with me forever and ever. But it worries me and it’s starting to annoying him. So I promised I wouldn’t talk to him about it anymore…  so that’s why I blew up tumblr. I know no one will read this, but I just wanna say. I’m scared,nervous,uncomfortable, and out of control. Which isn’t what I’m use to at all …And I don’t like it. I want everything to be picture perfect and I pray to God every night it will be. Because I cannot lose him. :/
This was my rant, do not judge.

#Air Force #military #high school #graduation #graduate #senior #romance #relationships #love #marriage #forever #scared #nervous #rant #vent